Fuck Love; Get Your PhD

Based on my favorite piece of graffiti I’ve ever seen in real life and a sink I saw at a doctor’s appointment today.

(Digital)

I can't remember if I was still writing or had just finished writing my dissertation when I saw that beautiful statement written in Sharpie on the bathroom wall in Amsterdam (the bar in St. Paul, not the Dutch metropolis, obvs, because I’m writing about when I was a grad student).

It’s a tremendous piece of advice and an inside joke for all academics who have navigated the weird social currents around doctoral completion. Like anything that has even the tiniest fraction of elitist aura, whether it's the arts, superb racecar driving, or exceptional wealth, getting a PhD can turn one person into an insufferable jackass and another into a apologist who uses self-deprecation to hopefully assuage any incoming fists or the sleeker, yet somehow more crippling, social punishment.

The former specimen, by the way, is found thriving in academia proper, usually annoying the hell out of the smart, kind, and thoughtful folks who love their research and their students. The latter is usually found in different environs, having fled academia for something less… pressurized.

I’m the latter. There’s only so much social stress I can take. But I still love research, I love art, I love history. And I really love architecture. Most people who know me don’t think much about my academic background and they really don’t think about my research. Except for one of my closest friends, who recently told me I can’t be trusted to drive without a copilot because I’m too easily distracted by handsome buildings.

….

I think what I love most about Fuck Love; Get Your PhD, is that everyone can apply it to everything. Broadly (and somewhat nauseatingly) speaking: fuck everything; get anything. Fuck approval; get donuts for dinner. Fuck the government; get wire-cutters. Fuck love every time it’s conditional. Get whatever the fuck you want.