Scary Dog Privilege

Or: How the Bert Became the Service Dog He Never Wanted to Be.

(Digital)

In the last couple years I've had some seriously wonky blood pressure problems.

Which I consider extremely rude of my body to perpetrate, considering I gave up smoking and all other nicotine and then my BP went ballistic.

Who knows, maybe I was cursed.

The point is that, between the BP meds to make sure I don’t fucking explode, being middle-aged with ovaries, and having anxiety so severe I have to take an SSRI so I don't start screaming in terror when I buy groceries, I sometimes don't handle the heat as well as I would like.

Sometimes, my BP meds suddenly start working really well, and I nearly pass out.

This always happens when I’m out walking the Bert and almost always happens when we are at a distant park, a mile or so from the car. I told my doctor about it, and she asked what I do when it happens.

“I can’t stay upright, so I lie down on the ground until it passes.”

“That sounds frightening. Aren’t you… worried? To just lie down alone in a park?”

“Um… would you like to see a picture of the dog I’m walking?”

The Bert is an amiable dog. He’s also generally aloof. But he does not like it when people he does not know get too close to me and he reaaaaaalllly doesn’t like it when I’m upset. He once scared the holy bejeezus out of some poor man who made the mistake of coming around his own car too quickly in the dark. His sudden appearance made me jump, which made the Bert drop his head and snarl like a wolf.

He doesn’t usually menace strangers, but when I'm having a nice lil lie down alongside a path, he stares at them as they go by, until they’re out of sight.

Would I like to stop nearly losing consciousness in public? Absolutely! (Luckily that SSRI means I’m not terribly anxious about actually blacking out) Do I worry that lying down in any given park is a danger to my health? Fuck no. There are very few things the Bert feels as passionately about as a nice, long walk, but he'll always look out for me. Even if he's doing it just a tad begrudgingly by the end.